First Snakes on a Plane Review

Massage...Bored · Post by **Massage...Bored** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 7:45 pm

http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=23861

Some spoilers, but who cares he says its great.

=^-..-^= · Post by **=^-..-^=** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:23 am

No way, I'm the 1st person on here to review this?

It was like a car accident; you just have to look. With a title like SNAKES ON A PLANE, I was inexplicably drawn into the bad movie vortex against my better judgement. I couldn't fight it. . . must . . . .go . . .see . . . . bad . . . movie. . . .

Well, there's two hours of my life I wont get back!

•Goofs:

•If you're an archcriminal with connections, Wouldn't it be easier to place explosives on this plane than it would be to use snakes?
•A 747 is controlled by hydraulic control surfaces; pulling out of a descent is a matter of pulling back on the yoke - sorta' like power steering.
• A sudden depressurization lasts a few seconds and wouldn't suck a person (or snakes) out the hole.
•Shooting someone point-blank, even with a kevlar vest, would probably still kill them, or at least collapse their ribs.
•Two COMPLETE BULLET CASINGS were stuck in the vest.
• A Boa constrictor would wait for a human corpse to rot before attempting to eat it; but it would probably not attempt to eat a human at all.
•Very few arch-criminals would leave a convenient clipboard listing the types of snakes put aboard the plane and a list of proper anti-venoms for each snake hanging where anyone could see it.
•Sucking the snake venom out of a wound DOES NOT WORK.
•Snake pheremones or not, a majority of the snakes would probably stay in the dark warmth of the cargo hold.

Plus - a harmless kitty in the cargo was the first victim of the snake rampage. It would have been cooler and less formulaic to have the cat kickin' serious snake butt in its cage and surviving til the end.

Anyway, I went to Coney Island afterward hoping the sweet smell of their onions would overpower the stench of this movie.. . .

MMMMMM. . . .Coneys on a Plate, now there's a movie!

traumaqueen · Post by **traumaqueen** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 2:35 am

it made me laugh a lot.
and shriek a lot. which is odd, because i'm not a shrieker with movies.
but mostly i just laughed.
it was supposed to be ridiculous.
and it was successful at that.
but i've been having fun sending this message around:

http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com/...

martymieux8266 · Post by **martymieux8266** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 3:08 am

i liked it. it was funny.

adam atherton · Post by **adam atherton** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 12:01 pm

i thought it was a large pile of steaming crap. i actually feel violated. i cant believe i actually paid money for the tickets to this dookiefest.

QWETTY · Post by **QWETTY** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:25 pm

http://soapsummary.ytmnd.com/

this review is the best review ever

Oliver's Army · Post by **Oliver's Army** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:41 pm

traumaqueen wrote:it made me laugh a lot.
and shriek a lot. which is odd, because i'm not a shrieker with movies.
but mostly i just laughed.
it was supposed to be ridiculous.
and it was successful at that.
but i've been having fun sending this message around:

http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com/...

Really?

Hmmm, go figure.

victim.

Massage...Bored · Post by **Massage...Bored** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 3:15 pm

Was it bad?

You bet it was!

Did I have fun watching with friends?

You bet I did!

Did we shout things at the screen for the whole theatre to hear?

You bet we did!

Did anyone seem to care?

You bet they didn't!

Was the Red Bull as evidence the most absurd thing in the film?

Heavens no, but it was ridiculous.

Go see it and yell out whatever you feel, I doubt anyone will care.

GxWxLx · Post by **GxWxLx** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 5:22 pm

This movie is like the Ford Pinto version of a bandwagon.

Cheap novelties never pan out.

The_Dude · Post by **The_Dude** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 9:36 am

adam atherton wrote:i thought it was a large pile of steaming crap. i actually feel violated. i cant believe i actually paid money for the tickets to this dookiefest.

wait for it...

wait for it...

wait for it...

SURPRISE!!!

I could smell the crap before the first trailer ever aired.

sharkmansix · Post by **sharkmansix** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:28 pm

Woah.

adam atherton · Post by **adam atherton** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:31 pm

since when do tattoo artists ink yetis?

damb, that dude is hairy. i bet you cant even see that tat once his fur grows back...

sharkmansix · Post by **sharkmansix** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:34 pm

since when do tattoo artists ink yetis?

If you can catch it you can tattoo it. That's the rule I heard anyways....

Oliver's Army · Post by **Oliver's Army** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:48 pm

sharkmansix wrote:
since when do tattoo artists ink yetis?
If you can catch it you can tattoo it. That's the rule I heard anyways....

You can't tat an STD.

sharkmansix · Post by **sharkmansix** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:54 pm

You can't tat an STD.

Sure you can...it's just I don't know how they got the needles that small.