FortWayneMusic.com

Taken from: http://www.osbornmusic.com/jokes.html

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"

Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.

find more on the site.

for Seve:

Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.


obviously havent seen us live...

What is the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund matures and makes money.


What's the difference between a singer/songwriter and a puppy?

Eventually a puppy stops whining.


At practice, the symphony conductor addressed the orchestra:

"Folks, I knew the work we are playing called for a saxophone part, and I was reluctant to hire Ace here from the local Jazz club, considering the shaky rep that Jazz players have; but Ace has proven me wrong. He has showed up at rehearsals early, practiced twice as long, and has worked really hard to learn the piece. Ace, you are to be congratulated!"

"Thanks, dude, It's least I could do, seeing how I can't make your gig tomorrow night!"


The conductor was mad at the percussion section, so he yelled, "When a musician is really slow, they give him two sticks and call him a drummer!"

"Oh yeah?" answered the drummer, "Well when the drummer is REALLLY stupid, they take one of those sticks away and call him a conductor!"


How many reggae musicians to change a light bulb?

Light bulb? We spent da' money on a spliff, mon!

A frog and a trombonist are both suck in traffic.

whats the difference?


The frog in on his way to a gig.

But did you hear about the trombone player that locked his keys in his car?
It took 3 ours to get the drummer out!!

whats the similarity between drummer and philosopher?
they both perceive time as an abstract concept.

How are trumpet players and pirates alike?
They're both murder on the high Cs.

Q: If you drop an oboe and a clarinet off of a tall building at the same time, which would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

What is "perfect pitch?"
When you toss an accordion into the toilet bowl without hitting the rim.

Three souls appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked the first one, "What was your last annual salary?" The soul replied, "$200,000; I was a trial lawyer." St. Peter asked the second one the same question. The soul answered, "$95,000; I was a realtor." St. Peter then asked the third soul the same question. The answer was "$8,000."
St. Peter immediately said, "Cool! What instrument did you play?"

Customer: How late does the band play?
Band leader: About half a beat behind the drummer.

Customer: Can you play something we can dance to?
Band leader: Why don't you dance something we can play to.

What's the difference between a dress maker and a sax player?
A dress maker tucks up frills.

A jazz sax teacher fed up with a young student who left no spaces in his solos finally exclaimed: 'Don't just do something, stand there!'

What is the definition of optimism?
A trombone player with a pager

What's the difference between a bagpiper and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why do people play trombone?
Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.

Q. What's the difference between an onion and an oboe?
A. No one cries when you chop up the oboe.

Q. What's the difference between a jazz band and a bull?
A. The jazz band has the horns in the back and the ###hole in the front!

What's the difference between a garbage truck and a bari sax?
One's a massive, noisy, scum-encrusted hulk and the other is a public sanitation vehicle.

How many sax players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One to hold the light bulb and nine to drink until the room spins.