bracket tips

[david sumner]

* If you don't have a degree in Bracketology, don't even bother.

* Pledge that in the future you will travel back to 2007 and give your past self a sports almanac.

* The more money it costs to enter a pool, the better your chances of winning? Right?

* Be careful. If you've got the Blue Barracudas vs. the Purple Parrots in the finals, you're going in on a Legends of the Hidden Temple pool. If you've got Ashley I vs. Sam C, you have entered an America's Hottest College Girl pool. If you're wet, you have entered an actual pool.

* Remember to pick the teams that will win. Year after year, people make the mistake of picking the teams that lose.

* Fill out your bracket as quickly as possible. I don't care if you have two high schools in the Final Four. GO GO GO!

* One strategy is to pick based on which mascot would win in a fight. If you don't know, stage an actual fight. Next up: Irish guy vs. alligator in the Midwest Final.

* Remember: it’s the Sweet Sixteen, so pick teams that sound like delicious fruits. (Example: Belmont = Banana, Albany = Apple, Oral Roberts: Orange Guava. Etc. etc. etc.)

* Keep in mind that Syracuse, wait... I don't see Syracuse. Better double check.

* Texas A&M is actually one team. You have A going to the Elite Eight and M going to the Final Four for some reason.

* You have a better chance of winning if you just let your girlfriend pick at random. This is especially true if you're dating ESPN Bracketologist Joe Lunardi, you lucky prick.

* If you're stuck, remember the first team alphabetically wins almost 53% of the time. Work those odds!