First 25 Things We Learned from the Movies

[Garr]

Hey, this is a pretty funny list. I won't post in its entirety, but here's the first 25 and a link to the rest.

http://www.sff.net/paradise/movies.html

1. If you try hard enough, you can outrun an explosion.

2. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

3. Natural disasters only occur after the local mayor scoffs at the possibility.

4. If an expert makes a prediction and is disbelieved, then it will come to pass exactly as he predicted. If he makes a prediction and is believed, it won't happen.

5. Women staying in a haunted house should investigate any strange noises while wearing their most revealing underwear.

6. Women's skin and hair can't be damaged by natural disasters, though their clothing can be shredded -- except for the bits required for minimal decency, which are made from completely indestructible fabric.

7. If a man and a woman are exposed to the same conditions and the same environment, the man will need to wear more clothing than the woman.

8. If a man and a woman meet under circumstances under which any two normal people would instantly hate each other, they will marry before the picture is over.

9. Deadly reptiles will always attack a woman first, even if she's in the presence of thirty men.

10. Women are immortal unless they take off their shirts or they're ugly.

11. If a woman takes a bath, bubbles will cover the naughty bits. If she takes a shower and reveals her naughty bits, she will die.

12. If a blonde and a brunette are in equal peril, the brunette will die.

13. White characters have the best survival rate.

14. High class strippers with a heart of gold can will, if the plot demands it, turn out to have specialized technical skills and abilities.

15. Most human action is initiated by shy loners.

16. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

17. It's easy to pull the pin on a grenade with your teeth.

18. An explosive device capable of leveling a large office building will fit inside a toolbox or small backpack.

19. Potentially fatal attacks are always preceded by a false alarm a few seconds earlier.

20. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

21. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

22. A million dollars in cash or cocaine will invariably take up exactly the amount of space available in your briefcase.

23. The only people who ride city busses are "victims."

24. The universal medical procedure is defibrilation. Any time an EMT appears in a scene he/she will defibrilate someone before going back home. ER doctors defibrilate all patients, regardless of complaint.

25. If defibrillation doesn't work, the best way to revive someone whose heart has stopped is to scream "You can't do this to me! I love you, goddammit!" at them.

[lbanks]

#26. Homeless men always have a dog... who will survive disaster.

[=^-..-^=]

#27. The TV news will always be on, covering the event your character is particularly involved in, will go into much greater depth about their particular situation than even a newspaper would, and the reporterette will always end her report with a question that leaves the character with a moral dilemna.

#28: Telephone conversations are always two or three sentences, no smalltalk, and the character does not have to say goodbye before hanging up.

#29: Movie computers do not operate using mice. The character always knows prompts / code and types them in. Computers always beep as they are used, and flash the proper information needed in large red letters. The floorplan of every building, and the personal records of every human on earth are in a computer database somewhere on the web and is accessible without a password.

30. There will be one young person in the group who keeps their aspirations secret from their parents. The parent will always find out and forbid the young person from attending the big finale event. The young person will go anyway. The parent will always find out, and attend the performance. The parent will always have their mind changed at the end when they see how good their kid is.

[Oliver's Army]

Every film with airplane scenes will always have

Hot girl that serves no purpose
Grumpy old guy who was a doctor
Hot, troubled 20's male
Soccer mom who eventually has a moment of physical prowess
Pretentious pre-teen who knows everything about planes
Veteran and/or someone handicapped
Flight attendent with a heart of gold
Wacky airport service staff
Injured or sick crew
An interior corridor that someone will eventually crawl thru

[lbanks]

Movie based by water will have at least one good 'More Bounce to the Ounce' shot.

[Jeff]

..

[Garr]

The hours approaching, to give it your best
You've got to reach your prime.
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time
Were going to need a montage (montage)
Ooh it takes a montage (montage)

Sure a lot of things happing at once,
Remind everyone what’s going on (what’s going on)
And when every shot you show a little improvement
Just show it all or it will take to long
That’s called a montage (montage)
Ooh we want montage (montage)

And anything that we want to know
From just a beginner to a pro,
You want a montage (montage)
Even rocky had a montage (montage)

(Montage...montage)

Anything that we want to know
From just a beginner to a pro,
You need a montage (montage)
Ooh it takes a montage (montage)

Always fade out in a montage,
If you fade out
It seem like more time has passed in a montage
Montage

[sevesd93]

Whenever a scene takes place at a club, high school prom or any function where there could possibly be music and dancing, everyone is attendance is a professional dancer.

[Oliver's Army]

At some point, YELLO's "Oh Yeah" will appear in the soundtrack.

[echosauce1]

Police are incredibly inept drivers. This may be due to the fact that a police cruiser is incapable of jumping, turning quickly, stopping and is more prone to roll over and colliding with another police cruiser than most cars on the road.

The exception to this rule is the star detective who is viewed by his superiors as a "renegade". I suspect this is due to said star's ability to locate the one civilian car in a traffic jam that has the speed of an indy racer combined with the durability of a tank.

If you ever in real life find yourself in a car chase in which your opponent has a head start, don't fret. Direct your driving course to the most expensive thing around you (ie, a bmw dealership). These are simply wormholes that will warp you to you opponent most efficiently. Having rental car that is uninsured greatly increases your chance of success.