Natural Selection

[Garr]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[adam atherton]

i really hope this is your work.

brilliant. i'd have a battle with you.

[Garr]

:: wink ::

Let's battle, man!!!

[echosauce1]

I do the same thing......except with hookers.

[Garr]

OMG!

That made me laugh so hard that I almost spewed diet pepsi from my nose? Seriously. I think that was really really funny.

[echosauce1]

Oh wait, your were talking about candy, not "Candy".....my bad

Here is what I first read....

[quote="Garr"]Whenever I get a package of plain hookers, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the hooker as a species. To this end, I hold hooker duels.

Taking two hookers between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red hookers are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue hookers as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern sex and fetish world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a hooker that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the hooker extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the trick, I am left with one hooker, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to Pimp John Doe, A Division of John Doe, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this hooker for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain hookers. I consider this "pimp money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.[/quote]

eh...what do ya do?

[=^-..-^=]

Sooo. . . . . the process of natural selection has produced a human organism that will actually do this, then post about it. . . .

My faith in Darwin is shaken.


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[The Hand of Poo]

Heh.. sometimes, all you can do is chuckle (in a blatant attempt to procure more "Fwem" bucks. Yes, I'm nicknaming them "Fwem" bucks.)

Though, I've always secretly believed the red-colored women of the night were in fact the toughest.

[Grindspine]

Wow...

That's awesome.

[rezin]

[MrSpall]

So Garr . . . did we ever get a winner?

Which is the strongest color?

[MrSpall]

Perhaps it would be best to keep stats on a spreadsheet, grouping the M&Ms by color so that we can actually determine the best color of M&M.

Because of the varying number of different M&Ms of each color, and the randomness of the selection order, just looking at the winner and deciding it is the best color would be illogical.

If a red M&M survives 20 consecutive matchups only to fall victim to a 'fresh' green M&M in the final pairing, does that necessarily mean that green is a stronger overall color?

More importantly, if there were 35 green M&Ms in the bag, but only 12 reds, it's automatically more likely that a green M&M would win this competition.

The only fair way to determine the strongest overall color would be to keep track of each color's wins and losses and base the final comparison on the winning percentages amassed when the bag is depleted.

Based on this method of analysis I think it's been determined that I've got entirely too much free time.