Auditioning Preparedness Class 101

[zenmandan]

Having played in a couple of bands recently that have needed to audition for new members, I would like to help those of you out that don't seem to understand the process. I'm not "the audition expert" or anything, but I can guarantee that myself and the people I play with would never consider doing any of the following things. Apparently we live by some different rules when it comes to playing in front of people we don't know who are judging us to see whether or not we get the job. And even more apparent...there are a lot of people who have no idea what it means to be a musician.

(All of the following have happened over the course of just two seperate auditions involving seven different players. No names were used to protect the clueless.)

1. Showing up on time for a 2 o'clock audition does not mean getting there to set up your gear at 2 o'clock. Get there early. Always. If you have to wait around, so what. They'll know that you're eager and ready to go. In order to show up early, know where the hell you're going. Directions over the phone can get fuzzy sometimes, so get an address, find a computer, and type these letters in...M-A-P-Q-U-E-S-T. Problem solved. And if it's a couple minutes until your audition and you still have no idea where you are, PICK UP A PHONE and let them know!

2. Being prepared does NOT mean that you've heard the songs before. It means listening to them several times if need be, taking notes, KNOWING WHAT F'ING KEYS THEY'RE IN, knowing where breaks are, knowing your riffs, knowing what the tempos are...basically knowing everything about the songs your supposed to be auditioning on.

3. Don't walk in the door, introduce yourself, and then make a big speech about how you haven't had time to learn the material. I don't care if you have 37 kids, a sick mother-in-law or a broken shin bone. If you can show up to the audition, you should know your sh*t.

4. If you don't know your sh*t, don't waste everyone elses time. At the audition I was at today, we could have easily filled the spot taken up by the instigator of this post with someone worth auditioning. Not only is showing up unprepared uncomfortable for those doing the auditioning, it just plain makes you look incompetent, no matter how good you "potentially" may be. For cryin' out loud, don't tell us your prepared when you not. All you're doing is making yourself look dumb.

5. I really don't care that you have the ability to quickly learn the songs "if only you could have listened to them first". If for some reason you are unable to access the songs being auditioned on through email, internet, whatever, call the person you've been in contact with and explain it to them. They'll be more than understanding, and most likely willing to send you the materials in the mail. Your audition is your ONE shot to make an impression. "I'd really like a chance to come back and try again" not only is a dumb thing to say, but it makes a negative impression. You should have known your stuff the first time. Period.

6. Don't just walk into a rehearsal room where you know auditions are taking place. It's rude. Not only to the the person being auditioned, but to the people holding the audition as well. If they don't know you've arrived, perhaps stick your head in the door to let them know your there, but then go away until they come to get you. More importantly, when one of the people conducting the audition tells you "we're still auditioning Joe Schmoe over here", don't reply with "that's cool. I'll just hang out and listen." That's not cool. Not only does it yet again put the ones conducting the audition in an uncomfortable position by having to ask you to leave, but it makes the person auditioning uncomfortable as well.

7. Don't ask if you can "stay to listen to everyone else auditioning." The answer is NO. It will always be NO. Not only is it presumptuous to think you'd be welcome to hang out, it's extremely rude to the others auditioning if you were allowed to stay. Show up. Play your stuff. Hang out and chit chat IF they ask you to. Say thank you. Then get out. If we wanted auditioners to see each other, we'd let you know you're auditioning in front of everyone up for the spot ahead of time.

8. We're not impressed by how much gear you have. There's no reason to bring your 17 different guitars, 93 different effects pedals and your spectacular assortment of novelty guitar straps for an audition consisting of five songs. Bring what's necessary for the gig. That's it. If you're really proud of your one of a kind collection of Smurf themed guitar straps, great. Bring a picture. Better yet, learn your sh*t, make the band, then show them to us later when we may actually care.

9. If you're unprepared, I really don't care who you've played with. "Yeah. I played with Blah Blah and the Blah Blahs...So and So...Whatever and the Couldn't Play in Tunes. I've played with..(me interrupting here) OOOW! My foot! You dropped another name on it!" Seriously. If you were that great you wouldn't need to tell us. You'd let your playing do the talking.

10. Don't tell us how many different record execs/labels/publishers etc. have been interested in you or your music. Again, if you were that good, you'd let your playing show us. You would have no need to TRY to impress us with how you ALMOST got signed to a 40 billion dollar contract, but you got a sliver in your pinkie finger and they ended up signing WHAM! instead.

Thus concludes lessons one through ten. By the looks of things, many of you are going to be auditioning for a bunch of different groups and not making any of them, so please feel free to print these out for future reference.

Class dismissed.

[Garr]

::nods in agreement::

Many of those reasons above are why I gracefully declined to audition for this band. I was really interested in playing for you guys, but after listening to the songs for the audition, I had to ultimately admit that it was VERY far (in fact too far) from my musical element, skill level, and (ultimately) desire to play and play well.

How crappy would it have been for me to waste your time? That would have been four (more. . .ahem) musicians in the area who didn't like me. I thanked Jessica for setting up the audition, but let her know that I really couldn't see myself putting in the time to master those songs in a week.

In addition, I let her know IMMEDIATELY! Have some courtesy if you have to decline an audition. NEVER wait until the last minute. Never simply neglect to show up. That's worse than showing up and sucking. If you really want to try to get the songs down, but you're having problems with them and you really want to join the band, talk to them and let them know you're having problems, but you're still working on the songs. Maybe you will get them prepared to the point where you can at least manage to show your devotion!

I, personally, would have LOVED to be able to pick up those five songs and own them, but the music just wasn't coming to me. Damn. I wish you guys all the luck in finding your replacement.

[dofus hipster]

I went to an audition once where I was the only one that actually new the tunes.......I was the one trying out.


A good friemd of mine just went through this. They play EVERY weekend, and had very little time to try guys out as they were still giging 8 shows a month all over. They made it clear what they needed, and still, guys compleaty waisted there time.

[=^-..-^=]

Agreed, don't call yourself a band if you are just a bunch of kids just learning your instruments.

I once wasted an afternoon on that scenario-tearing down & loading drums, setting up at audition, wasting time trying to show them how to do the ska skank on a guitar (when they were supposed to be a 'ska' band,)
"Oh -so and so's not here today. He's the one that knows how to play,"

tearing down & reloading, and setting up back home. When they couldn't play a lick, they said 'Well, do a drum solo and let's just see what you can do."

I should have asked a few more questions on the phone first!

good times

[Jessica]

Thanks Garr. Your honesty and respect is truly reflective of your character.

And zenmandan...glad you're with me.

[simpletim]

You can tell that Zenmandan is a professional educator. Thanks for your effort in writing such a concise lesson.

I try to get musicians and bands connected all the time here at Jam Crib and have them go through audition process . Your write up is dead on correct and pertinent to anyone that is serious about becoming a professional musician. Another pearl of wisdom is that luck occurs when opportunity and preparation meet. More people should make sure they have done everything possible to be prepared for there moment of truth. Thanks for taking the time to share your insight.

[Al Quandt]

I hate auditioning people as well.

I do remember when I was younger, like 18 maybe younger. I auditioned for some hard rock band as a vocalist. I learned part of their songs, but I had never sang in front of people before. I brought my best friend with me (because I needed a ride) that was a big mistake, I would have made out better if I didn't know any one.

So basically I made excuses why I wasn't singing while they played and just ended up listening to them play. I left when they finally made up a reason to get me out of there.

I was extremely embarrassed. It was quite awkward and humiliating. I made a fool of myself and made myself more self conscious.