Thinking Of You

isk8hard · Post by **isk8hard** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 10:50 pm

I Just Wanted
To Let You Know
That I'm Thinking Of You.
All Those Times
Hangin Out
By The Swimming Pool.
And All Those Times
I Acted Cool
But In The End
I Turned A Fool.
Remembering The Times
I Wanted To Ask You
I wanted To Ask You Out.
Talking To You
But Not Knowing
What To Talk About.

So Now That You're Here
I'd Like To Take This Time
To Let You Know How I Feel About You.
I Really Like You
But Where Is This
Relationship Going?
Let's Stay Together
I'll Be Here Forever.
Waiting For Your
Late Notice Call.
And Who Knows
Where This Goes?
Lets Just
Let Time Tell.

(If You Have Any Suggestions On How To Better The Song, Please Contact Me At isk8hard@comcast.net ) Thank You

hxctimmy · Post by **hxctimmy** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:29 am

If You Have Any Suggestions On How To Better The Song

scrap it and start over. it lacks rhythym for one. You rhyme some parts but not others. I understand what you're trying to say but the composition could use some serious work.

sink, ftwayne, sink · Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:39 am

If You Have Any Suggestions On How To Better The Song

Realize that this has been written a million times with a million cliches. Try taking the same focus of the song, but coming at it from an angle you would not expect. Also, "ye" or "gay" are tough gauges of quality because homosexuals have written incredible poetry. How about "gay" or "lame" as choices?

hxctimmy · Post by **hxctimmy** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 12:49 am

but that would imply that physically handicapped have never written good poetry either. How about: This is really good or This is really crap, and should be burned.

sink, ftwayne, sink · Post by **sink, ftwayne, sink** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:56 am

agreed

hxctimmy · Post by **hxctimmy** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 1:08 pm

p.s., I choose option number two for the reasons listed above.

independent_Jes · Post by **independent_Jes** » Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:43 am

why are you guys so rude?

i like it, it would be a great song!!!! a great ska song!!! and it has humor in it!

it alot better than what i have written many of times before.

SOMEBODYzSOn · Post by **SOMEBODYzSOn** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:41 pm

independent_Jes wrote: it has humor in it

I fail to see the funney.........

independent_Jes · Post by **independent_Jes** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 2:05 pm

c'mon "hanging out by the swimming pool And All Those Times
I Acted Cool , But In The End ,I Turned A Fool" that has a genuine funny. not like OMG ahaha funny, like a soft maybe a low chuckle...because thats how everybody is; trying to impress all that is liked. plus then when i think of pool and the aquabats' song pool party comes into mind...so then thats also why i find it funny. If you listen to the aqaubats and especially the song pool party, maybe you should understand. crazy ska.

the ghost of big john · Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:45 pm

Damn that crazy ska

NecRael · Post by **NecRael** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:10 am

i definitely think the title "Thinking of You" needs a little more thought

there are plenty of songs with a very similar connotation
personally the one that sticks out in my mind is "Thinking of You" by A Perfect Circle(imagine me bringing up an apc song, lol)
however, that songs is very dynamic musically and lyrically

the you wrote sounds like a list of phrases from valentine's day heart candies and lines taken from birthday cards in target(and not even hallmark)

i would suggest looking into some more classical poetry

Ernest Hemmingway, Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, Samuel T. Coleridge and hell even Shakespeare.

then looking at some more recent poets and really working on developing your style.

you could get by writing poetry like this
but it will be much more satisfying if you work on finding ways to find different ways to say it

FortWayneMusic.com

Thinking Of You

Ye or Gay?

Thinking Of You