old old short story

[HillgrassBluebillyFTW]

Benny & Claude vs. Mary-Kate & Ashley
Written by Anderson
©2004 A3K Productions

The air smelled of a fresh rain and streets we riddled with puddles, the reflection of the Silver Strand theatre was quickly disturbed as a foot displaced much of the water in the puddle.

"d*ck," Claude said.

"What?" replied Benny.

"The Olsen twins turned 18 last week.. they're legal... "

"And this is suppose to impress me because??" Benny quickly retorted.

Benny and Claude walked down the street to Handy Andy to pick up some cigarettes and a couple of beverages.

"Dude, they're eighteen.. now you don't have to feel like a pedefile when you rub one out thinking about them... "

"First off, don't talk to me about who I think about if and when I rub one out.. and second off... the Olsen twins are devil spawned, and they were sent here as the second sign of the apocolypse to destroy the world."

As Benny finished his sentence he placed his "Love Bus Brew" on the counter...

"I also need a pack of Marlboro Lights please," he said to the lady behind the counter, "and I'll pay for fatty's sh*t here too."

"Benny," Claude said, "what the f**k are you talking about? Hell spawn? Second sign of the apocolypse??"

"That will be six dollars and 45 cents please," said the lady behind the counter.

"You know that Malcolm in the Middle kid?" asked Benny.

"Frankie Muniz?"

"Yeah, thats the cat.." continued Benny, "He's here to detroy the world too."

"Dude, what have you been smoking? Cause I want some of that sh*t!"

"Just hear me out... The Olsen twins and Frankie Muniz will meet in an undisclosed location and Frankie is gonna hit that sh*t... both of them..."

"Both of 'em?"

"Both of 'em... and when he does he's gonna impregnate both of the twins at the same time.. "

Claude interupts, "Is Frankie Muniz 18?"

"It doesn't matter," replies Benny, "back to the story..."

"Wait! Wait! WAIT! Where did you get all this bullsh*t? I think you've been hitting those trees waaaay to hard man."

"Claude, think about it man.. why on earth would three kids need so much money? How the hell did the Olsen twins become so rich? Did you see any of their movies?"

"No."

"Do you know anyone who owns any of their movies?"

"No."

"So where did all this money come from? I don't see anyone buying their cloths at Wal-Mart. So, how did they become so rich?"

"Al-Queda?"

Benny stops and stares at Claude for a minute and then slaps him upside the head.

"Don't start with your idiotic theories again man... Al-Queda is not supporting the Olsen twins, Al-Queda is supporting that television show the Swan... where do you think Osama Bin Laden is anyway? He was that ugly b*tch that won the whole thing...

Dammit, you got me off subject... the Olsen twins made a deal with the devil when they were in the womb, that when they were born they would become the cutest, wealthiest twins on earth... "

"So what does the devil get out of it?" asked Claude.

"Not to mention the fact that now he has two sexy minions at his disposal, but in return for their wealth and good looks, the Olsen twins must give up their first born..."

"And where does that Malcolm in the Middle guy come into all this?"

"See, he made a deal with the devil out of pure greed and envy.. did you see that punk'd episode? He's driving a car older than his parents and worth more than this entire town is... so he's like "super cool" according to Hollywood standards.. but to become ubër-cool... he has to be the guy that banged the Olsen twins... "

Claude says, "So.. he made a deal with the devil to bang the Olsen twins?"

"Like you haven't thought about it?" Benny replies "he'll bang the twins and get them pregnant... they'll go into hiding because no one can know that america's little angels are pregnant, and what will they say when the devil comes to collect? 'Oh we lost 'em?' The devil will come to collect the twins..."

Claude interupts, "wait.. the Olsen twins?"

"No," replies Benny, "not Mary-Kate and Ashley, they will both have twins, so the devil will come and collect their twins... he will then give them to John Travolta who will raise them in his Scientology religion and when they turn 21 they will be kidnapped and sacraficed to the devil himself... and when their blood fills a golden chalice and is drank by the purest evil of a man he will become the devil himself and destroy the world... "

"So... what you're saying is we have 21 years to live?" asks Benny.

"Give or take."

"You wanna go get high?"

Benny looks at Claude again for a minute... and then the two jump into Benny's car and drive away.

[The_Dude]

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[sevesd93]

I love it.

[bassjones]

***based on an actual conversation between Ando and Fleek***