The Devil in Mrs. Jackson

Show off your creative writing talents. Post your lyrics, poems, and short stories here as well as give and receive constructive criticism. CAUTION! Adult language/content MAY happen. This is a CENSOR FREE ZONE!

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HillgrassBluebillyFTW
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The Devil in Mrs. Jackson

Post by HillgrassBluebillyFTW »

The Devil in Mrs. Jackson
I thought I heard you whisper,
why'd you come round my door?
This yellow ghost is no longer our home,
I sleep on the couch, when I'm alone.

Oh Mrs. Jackson, what a clever disguise,
by now I see the devil behind your eyes.
Think of me, while you lay next to him,
why steal my words if you didn't mean them?

We could of blazed a trail with our lust,
loving no other and turning to grey rust.
But we're back where we were before,
why'd you come round my door?

You'll realize, what glitters may not be gold,
soon all thats left are memories to be sold.
Your touch burns like acid through my veins,
can't numb it, can't kill the pain.

You spread your love all over town,
used it all up before my turn came around.
Oh Mrs. Jackson, why'd you do this to me?
I prefer the whisper much better than the scream.

The names may or may not have been changed to affect the guilty.
1. I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. - Romans 15

If you want to know what I am working on check out these sites:

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HillgrassBluebillyFTW
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Post by HillgrassBluebillyFTW »

nothing?

you all suck. :P
1. I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. - Romans 15

If you want to know what I am working on check out these sites:

OhSoHumorous.com
TopDailyMemes.com
RandomDailyMemes.com
BestDailyMemes.com
FortWayneMusic.om
Kwalis.com
SoHumorous.com
FailUniversity.com
FaceFullOf.com
NuZuDu.com
FireFlyGoods.com
ThePeopleBlog.com
StealMyMemes.com
DontStealMyMemes.com

More to come...
deek
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Post by deek »

Eh...not too excited about the rhyming...I enjoy poetry, but when some of it starts rhyming, I lose focus and any sense of meaning...just my two cents...
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HillgrassBluebillyFTW
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Post by HillgrassBluebillyFTW »

deek wrote:Eh...not too excited about the rhyming...I enjoy poetry, but when some of it starts rhyming, I lose focus and any sense of meaning...just my two cents...
Yeah, well uh.. I ain't too excited about yer little critique dere deek-us.... cause uh, yer a friggin idiot.






I kid.
1. I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. - Romans 15

If you want to know what I am working on check out these sites:

OhSoHumorous.com
TopDailyMemes.com
RandomDailyMemes.com
BestDailyMemes.com
FortWayneMusic.om
Kwalis.com
SoHumorous.com
FailUniversity.com
FaceFullOf.com
NuZuDu.com
FireFlyGoods.com
ThePeopleBlog.com
StealMyMemes.com
DontStealMyMemes.com

More to come...
deek
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Post by deek »

Heh...

Well, I could just boost your ego and do a blanket reply of how awesome you are, but then what is that going to accomplish? :)

To expand on my comments, I just find poetry and lyrics less serious, when there is rhyming. And then I get into a rhythm and pay more attention to whether or not each line rhymes and flows, then the actual feelings and content.

And that is what I found myself doing with yours, more interested in whether things rhymed then what you were actually saying...
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Garr
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Post by Garr »

i can't read any of this kind of stuff without putting it to music in my head. . .and despite deek's aversion to the rhyming, i think that this could make a good song.
andrew spangler
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Post by andrew spangler »

I do the same thing as garr. it seems to make a good song,just depends how the music is. ive heard great lyrics with a horrible beat,and hated it. At least you guys have the nerve to put your stuff out here for everyone to attack/praise. I'm sure theres lots of excellent stuff that people just dont post. I'd like to post some stuff,but i dont think its ready just yet,and all you guys are pretty quick on the trigger.
HillgrassBluebillyFTW
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Post by HillgrassBluebillyFTW »

deek wrote:Heh...

Well, I could just boost your ego and do a blanket reply of how awesome you are, but then what is that going to accomplish? :)
The truth shall set you free my friend.
deek wrote:To expand on my comments, I just find poetry and lyrics less serious, when there is rhyming. And then I get into a rhythm and pay more attention to whether or not each line rhymes and flows, then the actual feelings and content.

And that is what I found myself doing with yours, more interested in whether things rhymed then what you were actually saying...
Yeah, I understand what you're saying about this. When I write I try to make the important statements fit the rhyming scheme.

Garr wrote:i can't read any of this kind of stuff without putting it to music in my head. . .and despite deek's aversion to the rhyming, i think that this could make a good song.
Typically when I write I write as if I were able to make music and make this a song.
1. I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. - Romans 15

If you want to know what I am working on check out these sites:

OhSoHumorous.com
TopDailyMemes.com
RandomDailyMemes.com
BestDailyMemes.com
FortWayneMusic.om
Kwalis.com
SoHumorous.com
FailUniversity.com
FaceFullOf.com
NuZuDu.com
FireFlyGoods.com
ThePeopleBlog.com
StealMyMemes.com
DontStealMyMemes.com

More to come...
flapjacks
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Post by flapjacks »

why you gotta write about my mom like that?
[url=http://imageshack.us][img]http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/4453/davidhasselhoff2gc.jpg[/img][/url]

David hasselhoff, a rocket of dissapointment
HillgrassBluebillyFTW
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Post by HillgrassBluebillyFTW »

flapjacks wrote:why you gotta write about my mom like that?
no i love your mom.
1. I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. - Romans 15

If you want to know what I am working on check out these sites:

OhSoHumorous.com
TopDailyMemes.com
RandomDailyMemes.com
BestDailyMemes.com
FortWayneMusic.om
Kwalis.com
SoHumorous.com
FailUniversity.com
FaceFullOf.com
NuZuDu.com
FireFlyGoods.com
ThePeopleBlog.com
StealMyMemes.com
DontStealMyMemes.com

More to come...
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